Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
