I need help removing her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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