9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How does one acquire holy water?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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