I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
