Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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