what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
