The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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