I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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