I wannas sexs uuuuu
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
