she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
