Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
