Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
