so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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