We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
