I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
