WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
