Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
