so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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