found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
BRING THE BAGELS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
