my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
