I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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