btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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