we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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