I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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