never play flip cup with pint glasses
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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