what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
