I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
