woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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