There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
