i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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