i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
