I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
