you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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