Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
