In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
