i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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