I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
