You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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