Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
