He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
