Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
