Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
