I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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