I haven't been this sober since birth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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