You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
