bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
