When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
