sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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