wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
