im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
