Umm I'm too high to move.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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