Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize