i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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