quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
