They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
