Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
