I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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