The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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