ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
