The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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