Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
