I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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