I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
