well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
