Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize