it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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