When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
