Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
