he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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