you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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