Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just cropdusted the office
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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